Monday, March 21, 2011
9 MONTHS
Today marks the day Waylon would have been 9 months old. Wow, how time goes by......and yet it feels like just yesterday I was dreaming about all the things we would do together as he grew up. Goodness I miss him. I miss his feet and elbows going across my belly, back and forth. I miss his feet sticking out and forming a lump on my side. I miss his cravings for Chinese food and Ramen noodles, it seemed he LOVED salt. I miss the joy and bliss of thinking nothing could ever go wrong with my healthy pregnancy, boy was I wrong. I miss everything about the 37 weeks I spent with my son. To think that he was with me for 9 months and has now been gone for the same just breaks my heart all over again. Time goes so quickly. I sit here wondering what milestones he would be accomplishing at this age? Would he be walking yet? What foods would he love? Which would be his favorite toy? I will never know these things and I can imagine I will long to know for as long as I remain on this earth. Though as I continue to work through my grief I learn new things every day. I have learned that this life does go on after tragedy, that I will evenually "accept" what has happened and learn to love my "new" life. I am forever changed, I will never be the person I once was.....but I am slowly adapting to that and realizing that I have no other choice but to be this new person. I have learned that there are blessings in even the most tragic of times, and I intend to embrace and cherish that fact. As I wait for the rainbow after the storm, I will continue to pray every day that I will be blessed in a different way this time. I still have a LONG journey ahead in my current pregnancy, 16 weeks and 3 days to be exact. So as today is a bit hard to endure, I remain hopeful and greatful for what's to come. I remain hopeful that little Madison Stagge will make it here safely. We love you Waylon, and we miss you every day. Happy 9 months baby!!
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Jen, I loved this post! I think you are an amazing mother to Waylon and will be just as amazing to miss Madison!
ReplyDeleteIt is tough as time passes by so fast and it feels like just yesterday he was kicking and moving in your tummy.
ReplyDeleteI remember with my frist pregnancy after I lost my son it seemed like it took forever for her to come and it was nerve racking trying to stay focused and have faith that she would be healthy and not have any cord issues.
Dear Jen,
ReplyDeleteThis was such a sweet blog. Your articulation was beyond perfect. I'm certain it was, because you are Waylon's mother, and the agony you have experienced has given only you the true blessing of being able to convey such deep-seeded feelings and emotions through electronic means. I tried to post on THE STAGGE FAMILY but for some reason all 3 times it didn't work and then 1 was removed somehow. I love your children. I too, can't wait for Madison to get here and be a part of all of our lives. Maybe she'll be able to tell us something about Waylon. After Parker's accident, she was able to tell Nick and Terryn about Maisie. The line between here and eternity is thin. I'm proud of you and I honor you and love you. Hurry up Madison and get here honey!
Grandma CoCo