CHRISTMAS EVE 2010

Here I am backtracking some more. I should have done these posts as they occurred, but I just wasn't in the right state of mind at the time. This last Christmas was a hard one, it was originally supposed to be our first Christmas with Waylon, our first Christmas as a little family of 3 (humans that is), but all of that was ripped away from us in June. Back in 2009, the Christmas that I was pregnant with Waylon, all I could think of was how much the next year would be different, how we would be buying all sorts of things to go under the tree for our little one. Never in a million years would I have thought that anything would go wrong and he wouldn't be here with us. Never did I think that we would be visiting his rock instead of teaching him how to open a present. Well, the unthinkable actually happened. We decided that we would spend this Christmas reflecting and being grateful for the many blessings and trials we received over the year instead of presents. I was going to try and organize a charity donation of some kind, but I just couldn't muster up the strength mentally or physically to do it. We decided that just being together was enough for us. Since Waylon couldn't be here with us, we decided to go to his rock and take him a few things. We knew that when we spread his ashes at camp we would have a hard time getting to his spot during the winter months, which has proved to be one one of the hardest things for us. We were determined to get there any way we could, so we drove the 4-wheelers as far as we could get on the dirt road, then got off and snow shoed the rest of the way up the mountain. I was 10 weeks pregnant at the time, so it was a bit challenging for me, but I didn't give up. Ren, Julieanne, my momma, Chris, me and the mutts Wyatt, Morgan and Doc Holliday all made the trek. Bruce and Carol came with us too. I am so grateful to our wonderful family for coming with us to do this. I can't thank them enough for their love and support. It was such a cold day and the fog was really thick. The mutts had frost on their wiskers, and the boys had icicles forming on their beards, even Julieanne's and my braids were frosted, but we made it all the way up to his rock. We went right to it. The snow was so deep that we couldn't even see where anything was, we were on top of most of the vegetation and somehow we still knew exactly where his rock was. We had to dig it out once we got there. Some of our family members had written Waylon a letter, some made a card, and we made sure to take our little boy a John Deere tractor toy to play with. This was not the way I had planned on spending this Christmas with him, but I was so glad that we were able to at least do what we did. This will forever be a tradition for us for years to come. Oh how I miss my little boy. Merry Christmas Waylon, we love you so much. xoxo